Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water……
Since the initiation of our SSP program, the phone lights have been going off like a PBS fundraiser where people give money just not to have to listen to any more pleas for continuing that quality of broadcasting you’ve come to expect from your flat screen.
Actually that’s not true. I only have one phone, my cell phone, which was just purchased yesterday in order to have a new number for the new biz card. Some people have a gift for finding things like water, or oil, or partners to have a romp in the hay with. My ex had a gift for finding any Nordstroms in any city in America without prior knowledge of its location and without a map ( actually that is not true either but it was fun to write). I have a gift for losing cell phones. But I am nothing if not resilient and so there is yet another mobile talking device sitting on my desk. And it has not been ringing off the hook.
Impatient fellow that I am, it seems another plan must go forth to bring my suspect art followers inside the electronic temple where they can bask in the digital outpouring of chromatic blessing. And by doing so, they will come to realize just how stupid it is to look at a computer image when you can have an ORGANIC, touchable, full of light and life energy work of art on your very own wall. Look at how much electricity you’ll save on not having to keep that glow tube powered up. You will pay for the painting in those savings alone.
Now if that reasoning doesn’t appeal to you, I have an other tried and true method of generating energy that can be slightly altered for use in the SSP program.
Chain Letter. See? Just the very words tense the whole body. The same bodily reaction as when a family member sends you a letter that somehow, if beyond all belief and humanistic sensitivity, you dare NOT to send it to five thousand friends within 24 hours, certain personal and global catastrophic consequences will occur that not even Hollywood can save us from.
Hey, you laugh, but admit it- let’s see a show of hands. I bet there are a fair amount of you thirteen or so people who read this blog who have been guilt tripped into passing along just such a letter. Although most likely to people who you never wanted to hear from again. Two birds with one stone. Get rid of the guilt and never have to worry about being invited to any of Cyrus and Myrtles bowling extravaganzas again.
Knowing what seasoned chain letter pros I ‘m talking with, I’ve drafted the first copy. It may need work, I am open to suggestions. Use the comment page here and let’s make a difference in the world. We can’t all affect climate change but we do have control over chain letters and fine art.
Okay, me first:
Dear ( fill in one of five thousand names),
Many people such as yourself have benefited greatly from this letter. I urge you to read on and enjoy just those kind of blessings. It is important after reading this letter that you send it to five thousand of your closest friends. You must do this within 24 hrs to maintain the good luck inherent in this letter.
There are many happy people right now who have gone to their front door and opened it to find some Rapid Transit Delivery person in cute shorts handing them a package that contains their very own BRUCE CZOPEK PAINTING! Smiles upon smiles have widened as this eagerly anticipated canvas of joy was placed on the wall, transforming ordinary environments into unbelievably hip personal art galleries! I strongly encourage you to continue this time honored tradition. Do not break the chain! Send this letter of luck and good fortune to just five thousand of your closest friends, along with these simple instructions:
1) Go to BruceCzopekFineArt.com
2) Look at the art! This is important as you will find out later. There are two catagories (past work and current work) spanning many years of creative outpouring and minimum credit card payments.
3) Choose your favorite, it is important that you choose your favorite painting and not one you think someone else will like. After all, you want the lucky person you gift this painting with to be thinking of you every time he looks at the painting, not himself. That’s part of the fun of giving gifts.
4) Put that painting in your shopping cart.
5) Quickly, and I mean quickly, go to check out.
6) Enter the name and mailing address of the first person on the list included in the lucky and fortunate letter you just received. No P.O. boxes please, we must have a street address as we cannot afford to pay for anything shipped back.
7) Enter your financial information in our what we believe to be secure check out system and oila! YOU ARE AN ART PATRON!
8) Remove the lucky person you just gifted from the top of the list and put YOUR name at the end!!!
9) Send this letter to five thousand of your closest friends.
Remember, do not break the chain! The future of art depends on you. Send this letter out within 24 hrs. In less than two weeks, you yourself will be receiving your very own modern cultural inheritance from Bruce Czopek Fine Art. Now get busy enriching the lives of your friends.
President B. Obama
What do you think? I think the Obama part is a nice touch- although it cuts out approximately half of the demographics. Not too many Republicans will take anything he says seriously much less saving the planet through this chain letter. Oh well, you can lead a person to the gallery but …….