No Pain No Gain, Ha Ha

Advanced Rolfing Technique

Just in time for Thanksgiving, I have something new to be thankful for.

If any of you have experienced the pleasures of Rolfing, you might be thinking I’m a bit twisted if my next line is I’m thankful for Rolfing. I am actually. In case you don’t know, Rolfing is the healing modality that seems to take pleasure in peeling you off the ceiling as it breaks through the pesky scar tissue that’s been keeping your muscles from sliding around in their own proper orbit, thank you very much.

Women who have given birth should have a head start participating in a Rolfing session. They know what it’s like to have to breathe through some serious pain, much more severe than what you would run into on a massage table. But I can assure you, us wimpy guys wouldn’t agree with you in certain moments.

Don’t get me wrong, I highly recommend Rolfing. It’s kinda like this: You’re building a house, you’re into the framing part of the project, and you are slightly off on your starting measurement….. Aww, what the hell- it’s only a 1/4 inch, don’t sweat it, get on with it. Sure, it’s all good till you get to the end of the wall where all of a sudden you are out of square by a football field and the obnoxious neighbor with the RV you hate can now park it in the gap that is supposed to be the junction of wall and door.

To continue our analogy- your body is the house, you’ve torqued something somewhere and now some kind-hearted muscle is trying to help out those that got bent out of shape but now THEY are multi tasking when they should be doing something ELSE and so someone ELSE pitches in to pick up THAT slack and so on until you’re walking down the street like a human crab in a bad sci-fi movie. And all you did was trip over your own two feet two weeks ago when you got up to take a leak in the middle of the night. Well what do you do? Call the rolfer. He comes in, has you lay down and relax, puts on this oh so soothing music, then promptly takes a crowbar out of his tool bag and begins to tear down the wall when all you really wanted him to do was to sweet talk the RV out of it’s new parking space, then gently push the gap in your measurement challenged wall back into place. However, putting a little elbow grease into fixing the situation is just the way it’s gotta be, so Happy Thanksgiving, Pilgrim.

Okay, okay- learn to breathe deep real quick and trust the person knows what they are doing and isn’t the biggest fan of every slasher movie ever made.

As the elbow digs in, pushes a bundled knot of tension down the tendon highway, and the sweat breaks out on your forehead, you remember- breathe dammit, breathe. All right, all right….. okay, made it to the end of that movement. That wasn’t too bad, pain is no big deal if you face it head on like a man. Then your rolfer says, ” Since it’s just the first session, we’ll take it a bit easy on you.” Suddenly you question why you just didn’t spend the money on that new flat screen and comfy recliner from Costco. But, after a lot of deep breaths the hour is over and you get up resembling something more human than crab for the first time in months, you can hold your head up high having made the right decision. Well, a few more sessions are needed before you can actually hold your head up high but you’ve got a good start on rebuilding the wall in a straight line.

Thanks for taking some LIP from me,


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